Fifty Two Weeks of Joy

Its official, I've decided I can solo parent, I don't want to, but I can! I've been dreading these past few weeks for several months now. Oscar had to be gone on a longer than normal business trip and I just didn't want the responsibility of single parenting. (To all you single parents, and military parents, kudos you deserve all the rewards, All. Of. Them.)   Oscar established my standards! When I first moved to Arkansas and we were dating he lived about 40 minutes away from me. In the winter he would wake up early and drive to my apartment to scrape of the ice on my windshield and warm up my car before I left for work. He created the dependent monster I've become! Ha! Proof, he only has himself to blame.  Seriously though, I was terrified to parent without Oscar. I was worried I would forget things, the boys wouldn't eat as well (I don't cook well), the house would be a mess, and I would miss HIM. Oscar is truly my best friend; we've known e...

Sometimes God places us in seasons we don't feel equipped to handle. When Eli was born and the nurse told us we could take him home I'll never forget the look on our faces when we asked the nurse, "So what now?" Her reply, "you take him home." Us, "Don't you want to do a drug screen or something?" The nurse, "nope, as long as you have a car seat he's free to go home with you." Us, "that's it... really because we got denied on an application to adopt a dog." She laughs, "Yes that's it. Good luck! Parenthood will do that to you. You are called to this incredible responsibility and have no real manual to use. You don't feel ready or worthy to be responsible for such a giant task!  For example, our first night home Oscar's parents met us at home to welcome us and Eli into this new chapter. After getting settled his parents left. About 20 minutes after they left we called his mom to come back bec...

Today is going to get a little real, but I'm a sucker for authenticity. It took many parents many years to teach me tact. Truthfully, I'm still learning! I tend to be extreme. I love big but I also hurt big. To most I'm dramatic, but I prefer the word passionate.  For a long time in our marriage Oscar and I were just trying to survive. It was one crisis after another. My mom died our first year, we become parents our second year, years three and four were spent in and out of hospitals because Eli (our firstborn) was "sick" . Five and six seemed good, but truthfully we were living in routine. Not really investing in ourselves or our marriage.  Seven, brought a lot of truths, which shed some light on areas in my life I hadn't dealt with and because of that I was consumed with bitterness. I didn't have my mom to help me mother. I didn't have the career I wanted. I believed I didn't deserve the husband I was given. People always tell us how lucky ...

Have you ever tested God? Have you ever felt him tell you to do something and instead of being obedient you say, "God I need a sign, if you really want me to do this you'll send me a sign." I mean he spoke to Moses through a burning bush, so surly he can send me a sign, right? Pretty sure if God spoke to me through a burning bush I would still question if it was really him and would still argue why he's got the wrong person. I don't doubt God. I know God is capable of so much more than we could ever even imagine. For me it's personal doubt. When God calls me to step out in faith I'm flooded with negative thoughts.  - God they will see my imperfections.  - God I'm not qualified for that job.  - God I'm not smart enough.  - God there must be someone else, someone better.  Obviously, these thoughts are planted by the enemy because he knows what God is capable of doing through me and you. That's why we doubt ourselves. That's w...