Week 52:

This blessing took place the week of September 21^st – 27^th

This is it folks, my final blessing, my ending to an incredible journey. The past few days have been a little emotional for me. I've gone back and read a few of my past posts, and relived the stories. I must say this journey has taught me so much about God, so much about myself, and a whole lot about people. I've learned it's not my place to determine if someone is worthy of a blessing. God just provides opportunities to take care of his people and I either take advantage of the opportunity or I don't. I've decided it's better to bless someone because helping people has shown me how blessed I am. It has taught me to count my blessings and to be thankful for what I have, because others aren't as fortunate.

I started this journey because I wanted to restore a joy I lost when my mom passed away. I wanted to find whatever it was I was missing… Looking back I don't think I had a lack of joy. Instead I think I felt guilty, guilty because I selfishly wanted my mom here with me. I was angry because her Jesus took her away from me. I didn't care if she would've had a good quality of life, I just wanted her here. I wanted her to meet my son, to hold him, to kiss him, to watch him grow up. I wanted her to celebrate his life with us. I wanted her to tell me he was healthy and was going to be okay. I wanted her here… I needed her here, not because she needed me but because I needed her!

Through this journey I've been given the opportunity to have several conversations with some family members, especially my dad. He loved my mom. I mean he LOVED my mom. She was his everything, his person. She drove him crazy because she would lose her keys, or forget to put gas in the car. She wasn't the most responsible person. She was forgetful and goofy. But she was the woman who stood by him through it all. She supported the decisions he made for our family. She supported his ministry and knew the significance of doing something for the kingdom verses something for the family.  There were times when family vacations were cut short because dad had to get back for a funeral and times when dad missed birthdays because he was on mission trips. Mom always stood by dad and taught us that dad loved us but God and the kingdom would always come first. What a blessing to grow up in a home where both parents understand the importance of putting God first not only in their lives but in the life of our family. My parents raised us on a foundation of believing and trusting God, because they demonstrated that trust through their actions not their words. My dad continues to live through his faith and continues to trust God and his decisions. If my dad could've written his story mom would still be here. If I could've written mom's story she would still be here and they would still be married. I might disagree with God on this one aspect of my life, but I also trust He knows what he's doing. My life would be very different if mom was still here, losing her has taught me to live by those same actions demonstrated to me as a child. I couldn't just talk about my faith I had to live by my faith.

Oscar and I tell people Eli is our last gift from mom. She insisted we needed to have children and kept telling us we were ready. We joked while she was alive, that she was bargaining with Jesus. A month after her death we found out we were pregnant with Eli. His name means to be with the Lord, we felt that suited him because his Gigi brought him to us and she is with Jesus. If mom hadn't died I don't know if God would've blessed us with Eli. Maybe he would have and maybe not either way I'd like to think Eli's birth was God's way to keep a promise to mom. Eli's life represents that even when we lose a loved one life will go on and amazing, incredible, unbelievable things will still happen. There will still be hardships, trails, and tests. But there will also be first homes, first careers, laughter, and joy. There might be rainy days. There might be sunny days. At the end of each day take comfort in knowing tomorrow can ALWAYS be better than today. No matter the storm you are facing God promises to give you a rainbow. Take the good with the bad. Live in the moment. In the mist of the rain try and dance through your storm. Try and find the silver lining. Look for the good in the world. Focus on someone else's needs instead of your own. Someone out there is battling a much harsher storm. Take the time to bless them today, I promise you'll be glad you did.

My final blessing is in memory of my mom's younger brother James. He passed away in January 2003, from stomach cancer at the age of 35. His death was absolute devastation for our family. For us kids he was the first relative we actually knew to pass away. Plus he was so young and had 3 children with another on the way. It didn't seem fair. It was hard on mom. They were extremely close and losing him just didn't seem possible.  After his death mom wanted to do something in memory of him, so she grew out her hair and donated it for cancer wigs. Since starting this blog I've wanted to at some point donate my hair in memory of James. I wanted to honor mom's legacy by doing a blessing she did. I finally decided this would be the best way to sum up the journey, and honor mom's legacy.

 

Plus it's my way of starting fresh. Becoming a new and improved me. This blog was, in a way, my cocoon an outside barrier that morphed all of me into (hopefully) a beautiful butterfly. I'd like to think I'm a better version of myself now, than I was a year ago. I'd like to think I'm no longer the ugly caterpillar of bitterness, despair and self-pity. I believe through helping others and focusing on someone else's needs I've learned I'd rather be the butterfly. I want to let the beauty of this world shine through me. I want to bring light, hope, and love into people's lives. Thankfully, through Christ I can continue to do just that. If you choose him today you too can and will find the same joy, hope, and love I did.

 

 

Thank you for walking with me through this journey. Thank you for the love and encouragement you've given me. Thank you for reading and not judging my words or my actions. To some of you thank you for sharing what this journey has meant to you.

I have decided to do a similar journey that will continue to bless people. I'm not sure what those 52 weeks will look like, but I'll keep you posted.

P. S. I have to add this tidbit. On my way back from getting my haircut the song that was sung at my uncle's funeral came on the radio. I'd like to think it was God's way of reminding me how much He loves me… I will always miss my mom and my Uncle but I take comfort in knowing their legacies live on through me and the rest of my family.